when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
