worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
