Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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