As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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