Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
