I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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