Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
