My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
