god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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