please come you make the beer taste better
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I intend to get homeless drunk
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
