terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
