I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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