I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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