i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize