Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
