Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
