I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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