I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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