now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize