his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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