Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
