After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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