Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
