I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
