He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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