I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
