I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
