i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize