I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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