bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
