I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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