it wasn't lemon gatorade
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
