I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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