WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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