No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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