im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
