You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
