You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
