Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This is the prime rib incident all over again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
