Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
