I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
