I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize