i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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