My room smells like vodka and shame
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
