Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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