I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
