why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
