A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
