I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize