Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
